European Union Law Requires Negative Internet Content Be Erased - All Media Types (SAT PAR News Jul 25, 2014) The new EU law affecting the 28 member countries and the internet services where they originate providing the content, will require all text, video, and images that cause anyone: "To be shamed, criticized, dehumanized, disrespected, embarrassed, inferior, insulted, ridiculed, disbelieved, frightened, intimidated, or any related feelings." must be removed. This wide-impacting announcement comes after the controversial EU data protection court ruling  "Right to be forgotten". The law will apply to the providers globally. In addition to immediate criticism from whistle-blower groups that jointly through the umbrella group "Shout", declared in a cynical release, "Inability to comment due to legal restrictions." One restaurant review site manager who wished to remain anonymous said, "This is the end of all reviews of any type, and I predict most of Facebook!". The shock waves are just starting among those who produce any type of content for the internet. Even the BBC which is regarded among it peers in the industry to be as plain and neutral as news can get, has created a team to begin erasing large portions of its text, photos, and videos for the Internet.

Empire State Building Offers Wild Ride - 1,000 Foot Elevator Drop!  (SAT PAR News Jul 24, 2014) The new attraction uses a shaft no longer in use, With special equipment adapted from the film stunt industry, an elevator is "dropped" from the 80th floor, only slowing down at the last minute to a safe, but still stomach wrenching stop. While the elevator does free fall, it is tethered with cables that can hold 10,000 lbs, necessary for all the stress due to the stopping. The first people to take the ride could be heard screaming through thick walls all the way down. If that was not enough, after one minute allowed for recovery, the riders are pulled back up at the same speed as they fell, glued to their seats (for safety huge padded seats are in the elevator). The shaft uses a draft to increase acceleration, reversing the draft on the way back up. In a normal elevator the speed would be around 50 mph, but this ride reaches 75 mph. The first people off the ride wanted to get back in line and do it again even while almost in hysterics due to the shock of the ride.

Apple's Next iPhone Will Communicate Direct To Brain - Sending Suggestions  (SAT PAR News Jul 22, 2014) Apple's next IPhone 6 will be able to send targeted microwaves using a pulsed signal at 300 to 3000 megahertz to the users brain via a new app called "Whisper". These are low power and safe but very focused and directed to the brains rostrum causing the user to focus on the suggestion. After the IPhone instruction is sent to the brain, the person would feel a need to focus on that instruction. Critics have charged that Whisper is programming people. Disney Educational Productions, part of the Walt Disney Company countered in a statement released today, "The IPhone user still has freewill, they can choose to follow the instruction or not. We see great value in exercise routines, daily tasks, technical checklists, and eventually a method of learning. That is why we are involved, this is the future of education."

Putin Deletes All Russian Internet & Home Photos and Videos, Replaces With Propaganda (SAT PAR News Jul 20, 2014) Vladimir Putin President of Russia gave an order for what is know here as a "Predat' Zlo" campaign roughly translated as "Betray Evil". This is a highly sophisticated method of locating a type of file and replacing with another. Brian Cooley Editor at large for CNET explained, "What they are doing is both stupid and amazing. Stupid for caveman society control, but amazing for technical execution. What they did is load every sever, computer, phone, and any other device that supports files with a special hidden program. This program upon receiving the trigger message replaces all video, photo, and audio files with a Russian hero, film, or patriotic music. What is incredible is that it replaces it with the same resolution, file size and for audio and video, the same quality and run time.This could only happen in Russia. We could not have that level of infection in our Western devices." Ordinary citizens appear to be completely confused. When several were questioned on the street in Moscow, they just stared in disbelief. In fact some people were literally screaming as all family photos were gone, many people were keeping wedding and other family pictures and video in the shared cloud. There was no escape even for the normally careful, as even backups were replaced.

TSA Now Inspects All Watches, Glasses, Jewelry, Medical Devices Plus Electronics And Scars  (SAT PAR News Jul 17, 2014) The US Transportation Security Administration (TSA) has new rules for travelers at airport check-in. Any item that could possibly have electronics, bomb material, hazardous, or biological material of any size contained must be inspected. This includes watches (all types), glasses (all types), Jewelry (including piercings), Medical devices (hearing aids, oxygen equipment, wheelchairs, etc...) and all other electronic devices (phones, games, tablets, computers, etc...). In addition a new body scanner available at unidentified airports for security reasons will reveal all scars. When the scar detector shows hits on the human virtual image, a special room is available for explanation of where the scars came from. Any recent surgery will also be inspected. To make sure all possibilities are covered, fashion items will also be looked at, this will include large buttons, false pockets, large hairdos, and pants/shirt cuffs. There are many more traveler inspections that are on a secret lists to prevent anyone bypassing the rigorous examination.

Disney MagicBands Alarm Privacy Groups With DNA Scan While Whizzing Guests Through Attractions (SAT PAR News Jul 16, 2014) MagicBands allow guests to have credit cards,  reservations, and passes in a waterproof band while they are tracked as to location. The alarm was raised by privacy groups when  it was discovered the bands will also take DNA samples, a new micro-chip can analyze the DNA sample and pass the data to a supercomputer. Disney released a statement in anticipation of the uproar, "MagicBand will allow Disney theme parks to be alert of any medical condition that would endanger our patrons on the various park rides we have. In one case we were able to prevent someone with epilepsy from attending a show that had numerous fast paced strobes. The admission counter was alerted as the individual approached to attend a show, the MagicBand sent the alert based on location of the guest. As some events in the park are free, we need to be able to track individuals who would not be using credit cards or passes." The list of 'medical' conditions that can be determined by DNA is now huge, however many of these are predispositions, meaning they may never surface at all. The concern along with personal privacy is that the attendees will be discriminated against based on medical conditions that do not even exist. Other scenarios are thought to involve liability where possible conditions such as arthritis or circulatory disorders may send alarms for someone approaching stairs or steep ramps.

Sarah Palin Now Wants Impeachment Of John Boehner While She Poses Topless For Controversial Gun Calendar (SAT PAR News Jul 15, 2014) Sarah Palin, the one time vice presidential candidate, Alaskan governor, news commentator, and reality show star, decided to not only impeach the president but also the Speaker of the House John Boehner, R-Ohio, for "lacking the spine to impeach Obama". Palin told the press at a hastily arranged news conference in a hotel, "John Boehner has refused to impeach a serial criminal masquerading as president. Because he has refused to do his constitutional duty to remove the perpetrator of lawless dictatorial actions against the american people, he must go! When you spot the traitor, gut him, and move on." To add to the controversy of her actions towards the house speaker, Sarah Palin will pose topless with different bikini bottoms to promote an assortment of modified assault rifles in a calendar being sponsored by GunPro a sub-group of the NRA. One of the guns has a grenade launcher and is neon pink. When asked about the whether she thought this was a good move, Palin replied, "There is nothing better than a babe with a gun, and if I can promote more constitutionally guaranteed ownership of guns, then I will do it. Guns are sexy!"

US Washington DC Bicyclists Install Acid Rockets on Bikes  (SAT PAR News Jul 14, 2014) A large sub-group of Washington DC bicyclists known as the Bike-Nihilist! has obtained a small rocket launching device that fits on handlebars and shoots paint dissolving acid at cars. An anonymous member described the reasoning, "We are defenseless against cars, this evens it up a little. The acid will not harm people but it reacts to car paint and makes it bubble off. The rockets are more like large paintball launchers. The acid missiles do have a tiny engine with propellant, they can fly about 50 feet accurately. This is our equalizer, and we continue to look for solutions to bring cars to our level." Local car drivers who have been struck by the missiles are not so forgiving. Laslo Hisenburg of Bethesda, MD thinks he was targeted due to making a legal right turn that made the space for the bicyclist narrow to travel, "There was no bike lane on the street I turned on, that isn't my fault, the biker should use caution and not proceed if it is not safe. Instead they attack us! My insurance will not cover this, they said the idea of cross-vehicle terrorism does not exist for any type of coverage!" Hisenburg's car had the entire rear bumper covered with blistered paint and rust where recent rain got to the sheet metal. Local police admit they do not know anything about it.

Mysterious Radio Burst From Space Decoded - But Destroys Supercomputer (SAT PAR News Jul 11, 2014) Victoria Kaspi an astrophysics professor at McGill University in Canada announced in a statement the discovery of the meaning of a short but intense radio burst originally detected  at the Arecibo Observatory on Nov. 2, 2012, "We were able to decipher the radio signal burst. The burst turned out to be a ratio very similar to Pi - The ratio of the circumference to the diameter of a Circle or roughly 3.14159. This ratio however was not Pi, but very close to it, we have never see this before so we put these large numbers into our supercomputer and divided. We really did not expect anything, it was on a whim as it resembled Pi. Somehow the ratio in the space radio number was not only appearing infinite like Pi, it had the ability to loop back on itself and double the amount of calculation - without any input from us. How a special number could take over a computer makes no sense, but it did somehow. As a result of doubling the division time and again, the computer overloaded and damaged much of the hardware. We are now out $250 million and we have to build a new supercomputer that can deal with this space number!" The astrophysics team is keeping the space radio numbers secret for now until they can find a way to stop it from acting like a destructive virus.

Immigration Reform Advances As Ted Cruz Adopts 30,000 Children  (SAT PAR News Jul 10, 2014) Senate colleagues expressed amazement that senator Ted Cruz, Republican, Texas, announced that he would solve the immediate flow of illegal immigration of children by adopting them. The senator explained on the senate floor, "we cannot secure the border overnight, so I felt the Christian thing to do was act as Jesus would, and that means adopting these kids. That way I can involve the government of origin in the discussions of the future of the kids. I hope President Obama sees what I am doing, I am acting where he will not. The humane thing to do is provide for the kids as we create a barrier to protect America. Once the borders are secure I will send the kids to orphanages in countries that I am already in discussions with. As least while the children are with me they can have a positive role model unlike the cruel King Obama" When the senator was asked about the details about how he would provide for the huge number he said, "We have lots of unused buildings in Texas, we can handle it."

Hamas Says Palestinian Rockets Are Only For Climate Control Not Israel (SAT PAR News Jul 09, 2014) Hamas claimed responsibility for firing a volley of rockets that it says "accidently" landed in Israel. In a statement released today, Hamas said the purpose was meteorological, "We are trying to make rain, it is simple as that. Water is a primary resource here and we need more. The rockets contain combinations of calcium chloride, dry ice and silver iodide. We aim the rockets where they will have the most effect. The rockets have explosives to distribute the chemicals to seed the clouds. It is unfortunate that Israel has houses in our path, particularly in the settlement expansion areas, we ask that the Jewish settlers move away and there will be no more problems." Israel for its part seemed unconvinced at the explanation of the rockets. Deputy Defense Minister Danny Danon responded with anger, "They will have to do better than that, I have seen no increase in rain as a result, does that mean they need to launch 10 times as many more rockets, 100 times more? Is it that once Israel is destroyed only then will they have water from the sky, I'm sorry, but that will not happen."

ISIS Mistakenly Kills Most Of Its Soldiers Fighting Immense Mirror (SAT PAR News Jul 08, 2014) The Islamic State in Iraq and Syria (ISIS) currently taking over huge areas of territory in Iraq and moving into Syria and targeting Baghdad has committed a fatal military blunder. A 5 mile long mirrored installation by artist Leandro Erlich installed in 2000 made of highly polished stainless steel located outside the battle zone of Tikrit has brought the downfall of ISIS. The artwork original intention was to to hide the city, Erlich explained in an interview with Sat Par News in April of this year, "At 5 miles long and 500 feet high it acts as a cloaking device, all you see is the countryside, the city is invisible. But if you walk up to it, you see yourself, but in such a large view, it appears to be a different person." It is just such an eerie side-effect that has defeated ISIS. A large number of fighters attempted to shoot the similar looking soldiers in the mirror and thought they were losing as the bullets and mortars bounced right back off the polished steel. Most of the initial troops were killed. ISIS kept calling for more backup but with the same result. Early estimates are approximately 8,000 soldiers killed by ricocheting bullets and shrapnel.

TSA Requires Passengers on US-Bound Flights Demonstrate They Can Play All Games Loaded on Phones & Tablets (SAT PAR News Jul 07, 2014) The Transportation Security Administration says it is adding the requirement that all flights headed to the US have it passengers electronic devices that can play games demonstrate they can actually play those games. American intelligence officials have been concerned that some games might be used for disrupting transportation systems once inside the US. Although no details are given about how this could occur, it is suggested that the games could take over traffic lights and train signals. This was explained by Professor Felten, Professor of Computer Science and Public Affairs at Princeton University  "It would not be capable of directly causing accidents. What would happen is that traffic signals and walk signs would work randomly or at the whim of the game player. There is the possibility of a real life Frogger" referring the to the 1980's popular video game of a frog trying to cross a busy road without getting hit. Another expert who wished to remain anonymous thinks there is a chance the games might also infect bank accounts and require you to complete puzzles before giving you access to your money.

NASA's Amnesia Virtual Time Travel Program Suffer Major Failure (SAT PAR News Jul 03, 2014) The US space agency had given the green light 3 months ago to start having all current astronauts (those ready for launch - not in training) as part of launch preparation receive Temporal Augmentation Therapy. The procedure allows the subject to lose roughly 24 hours of memory.  Repeated every day, this allows for any length of time that the procedure is used to be erased. The purpose was to allow astronauts to travel to Mars in a perceived time of 24 hours instead of approximately 6-8 months that it could take in real time. The inventor of the controlled memory loss is neuroscientist Joe McIntyre of the College de France, he explained "We use highly controlled microwaves to make certain parts of the brain stop communicating, it is like pulling a cable from a remote hard disk, the data is still there but it is invisible to the central computer." For the astronauts unfortunately the program had an effect that did not show up until months later, they forgot all their space training. They had in fact lost the ability to understand anything technical. This was first discovered when one of the astronauts could not figure out how to operate their cell phone, after that episode all the other astronauts in the program starting losing technical ability. They did not know how to do any space activities anymore such as operating computers or any of the flight duties. All of the affected 43 participants are now in a special hospital unit for brain trauma. As a result of the loss of all space crews, NASA is starting a major campaign to hire new staff for all astronaut positions.

Rick Santorum Calls For Christian Caliphate In America (SAT PAR News Jul 02, 2014) Santorum who failed in his 2012 bid for the Republican presidential nomination and is now working on his film production company, EchoLight, has called for a complete ruling Christian Caliphate in the United States. It is not a coincidence that this announcement comes as the Islamic State's (formerly the Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant) declaration of a caliphate. "The Caliphate in Iraq will be the antichrist, the Caliphate in America will be the ruler of all that is wise and good" Santorum said on Fox News July 1. Santorum outlined the Caliphate as having all three branches of government working within in one power, the Christian Collective. "The Christian Collective will be like Congress, the Supreme Court, and the Executive branch all working together under one leader. There will be no more dysfunction, it will be the end of federal debt, all states will regain their powers again, businesses will be free from regulation, gays will be converted to the true path of heterosexual enlightenment, marriage will be as God intended,  it will be the reign of the glorious!" Santorum said excitedly.

Facebook's New Scandal - After Secret Experiments Manipulating Emotions, The Social Network Admits 5 Million Members Are Virtual And Do Not Exist (SAT PAR News Jul 01, 2014) Barely shaking itself off from one scandal of using its members as lab rats, Facebook is still reeling from the outing by a key programmer that 5 million members are in fact virtual, and do not exist in the real world. SAT PAR was able to get an interview with the programmer agreeing to keep their identity secret. "We have this AI room [artificial intelligence] which is locked to only a few people. We have the virtual people sign up and register just like anybody else and start posting pictures and events. Each virtual member is completely unique. The software generates a personality for each member. They exist in a dedicated memory slot. We even gave them work/school and sleep schedules so they mimic real people in every way. There is 5 million different emotional responses to any one event. If a real Facebook member posts an interesting picture, a certain number of the virtual members will respond with different reactions. What is amazing is they even email the help desk. We had to get rid of some that were actually harassing real people and replace them with new virtual members. If we did not have a special hidden ID on these members, you would never know." Early reaction to this revelation is so far muted as many people interviewed are just receiving the news and are in disbelief and speechless.