Trump Begins Campaign To Make Jobs By Ending Automation (SAT PAR News Dec 4, 2016) President Elect Donald Trump has taken the extraordinary step of proposing that many types of automated system be dismantled to create jobs. The proposed list includes: *Car factory robots, Self working-medical devices such as blood pressure gauges as an example of hundreds, GPS driven tractors and self-driving cars, and the most alarm raising even among that transformation, would be the elimination of ATM machines. The ATM machines are a key point for Trump as he expects banks to hire more people to personally transact your money issues. Democratic leaders are calling the proposal "extreme Luddite" referring to the early 1800's where workers destroyed cotton and wool machines to preserve jobs. Citing the history in a Tweet, Trump noted "We'll preserve and Create! jobs by eliminating unnecessary machines, if that makes me a Luddite to have America overflowing with jobs, then I am proud to be one." 

North Korean leader Kim Jong Un Admits H-Bomb Was Actually An A-Bomb Due To Clerical Error (SAT PAR News Jan 6, 2016) On late Wednesday night Jan 6, 2015, it was discovered that the agency The Supreme Numbering And Cataloging Department had made a serious error. The scientist conducting the test cannot release the results of a nuclear bomb test until it has been named and recorded. The aforementioned agency responsible released a statement with the correction, "Instead of detonating an H-Bomb for the first time in our history, we detonated a standard A-Bomb that supposed to be named A-Bomb number H. In communication this was condensed to Bomb H and quickly became H-Bomb as it was passed to the Leader. We regret this error and will document rather than pass the information by phone next time. Accept our apologies as we know one day we will have a true H-Bomb". Kim Jong Un has ordered the agency responsible to be taken over by personally selected new employees as the original employees are all missing.

Bruce Jenner Admits to Sex Transformation - Due to Implanted Robotics (SAT PAR News Feb 16, 2015) Bruce Jenner the famed gold medal Olympian and former married member to the Kardashian family has announced the real reason behind the not-so-secret sex transformations. In an interview with San Diego STAR 94.1 entertainment news radio, Jenner revealed the reason behind the transformation. "I am basically becoming a cyborg. Years ago I had an extensive amount of Botox work. I was the one out of a million people who had a rare reaction - 'loss of localized functionality', killing the nerves and muscle that move all parts of my face, and even my neck. As a result I require mechanical implants that will move my face, neck, and vocal chords. Unfortunately, these muscles are only shaped for a female face and neck - only 1 other patient ever needed it and that was a girl. I have had thoughts about becoming a woman, and if I did not do it right now, my face would have been distorted without the female cosmetic surgery and hormone treatments. When I was told the male robotics were not due for more than 5 years or more, I decided that I might as well become a woman now and look my best instead of a Frankenstein." The revelation has already sparked viral conspiracy stories about Botox changing your sex, but cooler heads have prevailed once it is known that an individual has a much better chance of winning the lottery than having the Bruce Jenner Effect as it has been called.

Google Shocks Market With ZweeProp Personal Flying Drone -  Fly to Work! (SAT PAR News Feb 09, 2015) Google has done it again, introducing technology everyone thought would only arrive in the era of the extreme future portrayed in the 1960's cartoon show, the Jetsons (1962-1988). A personal aircraft that vertically lifts you off the ground to a safe altitude (to clear buildings and antennas) then swivels the multiple propellers (6 independent blades in safe cages) to become more airplane driven. It is referred to as a drone as Google explained in a press release, because it flies autonomously. You select via controls or say the location (after an ID check). Using GPS, Google maps (of course), current flight information, and object detection, the aircraft will not only avoid collision with anything you can imagine (even birds - but not the speed of falcons) and get you where you need to go as the crow flies, but at 80 mph. The craft is rated for one person up to 240 lbs. It can go a distance of 67 miles. It uses a hybrid engine burning standard jet fuel and electricity - it even has solar cells (one version has bike pedals to add energy while you exercise). The flying transporter has a unique light system that identifies it as a Zweeprop - blue and white light that appears to shimmer and form an outline of an egg at night. For safety the light can be seen more than 10 miles away, and the craft comes with a parachute that - in line with the drone technology - automatically engages when the engines stops in flight or there is an impact. As is customary in these times, there is no regulation or system in place to handle such a device ahead of it s time, to be used by the common commuter. Australia has allowed 20 Zweeprops to be tested in small towns where there is little interference with other flying objects. Test pilots have likened the experience to riding a motorcycle in the sky.

North Korea Puts Ecstasy in Public Drinking Water (SAT PAR News Jan 25, 2015) 24 samples of North Korean drinking water secretly taken out of the country from different locations, in sealed and source documented containers have been found to contain small amounts of the drug ecstasy and several other drugs as well. A South Korean research team has announced that the amount of the drug while small, is in exactly the same amount regardless of the source location where the sample was taken. This lead to the conclusion that there is a  government program to add the drug. The other drugs are a mystery to the scientists and are still being researched. Analysts who study the regime felt this resolves the puzzle of why citizens of North Korea are so over-indoctrinated into the culture of the leader Kim Jong un and all previous leaders. An intelligence officer who wished to remain anonymous and  familiar with North Korean submission techniques for the citizens and military said "The emotions and loyalty go beyond any amount of brainwashing ever seen and using ecstasy and other drugs to provoke stronger emotions and bonding with the leader of North Korea makes perfect sense."

Extremist Islamic Group Pledge to Destroy American White Bread (SAT PAR News Jan 10, 2015) Dozens of Islamic fundamentalist terrorist groups including the Islamic State, have joined forces to wage ware on white bread in the United States. The reason is the uncanny coincidence of two people, one in Baltimore Maryland, the other in Seattle Washington, that have discovered their morning toast formed an image of Muhammad the prophet of Islam, Both said they used white bread. They recognized the image on their toast from paintings and drawings found in searches on the Internet. A video released by the Islamic State featured a speaker named Zarmina Waliyah angrily declaring war on American white bread. He also declared that they are examining the idea of an attack on toasters also,  as they were equal partners in the crime. Fundamental extreme Islamic groups cannot permit any image of the prophet as this they believe would lead to worship of idols. They are known as Iconoclasts and also have destroyed other images, statues, and buildings believed to spread false representation to God. The pieces of toast have been collected by the police and turned over to Homeland security where they have been placed in a bomb proof vault. 

Russian President Putin Admits Using Supercomputer Software To Make Decisions Such As Ukraine  (SAT PAR News Oct 30, 2014) Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin, the President of Russia has admitted to using a artificial Intelligence policy decision tool called "Red Star". The software runs on a supercomputer created by the Ministry of Industry and Commerce in cooperation with the company Ruselectronics. President Putin does not regret some actions with Ukraine but is concerned about moving equipment and troops near the border and eventually moving some assets into the Ukraine territory. He spoke on Russian television Channel One, "Moving Russian troops to such a volatile area was not helpful, but Red Star is usually correct in the end. In this case I am not so sure." Due to President Putin's misgivings on the approaches to Ukraine, he has ordered a team of programmers to analyze the Red Star application to understand why it ignored so many risks in the analysis. Western intelligence sources were caught off guard, with both the announced of software making the Ukraine decision, and even the existence of such software. "We had no clue!, We are scrambling to make sense of this." said one frustrated US intelligence officer that was anonymously quoted due to the sensitivity of the issue.